x y and z

change is hard.

for anyone. autistic or not. and in that way we are all a little autistic. 

Maddux is in her last year of middle school. As we inch closer to high school I am somehow forced to think of her forever. 

Where will she be after high school. 

Where will she live. 

How will she make money. 

In a small world of maddux and me I always assumed it would always be me with her. Always waking her up for school. Taking her to the horse farm. But she grows up. She actually gets to an age that she HAS to be somewhat of an adult. 

Make a living.

Function as a productive human being. Right along with the rest of them. 

I dreamed of getting her there. My whole point in life was to make her flow from one stage to another. Well we are approaching the stage where we see what she is made of. 

So many families are supported for years until the reach the college level. The kids "age out" of school. They get forgotten. Pat on the back and GOOD LUCK with life. If you do not stay on top of whats next, 8 steps ahead, you get left behind. Which means Maddux gets left behind. Well, no she doesn't. I did not get her to leave her behind. I did not get her to not find out what she is meant to do.  I did not get her to become too tired to worry about it and not plan for her adult life.

NEWS FLASH: autism doesn't disappear at 20. 

You guys have watched her go from a 12 month old non verbal child obsessed with her white blanket with tassels to a 13 year old teenager who met Chris Daughtry and told him she was taking over his band at his next concert. She will not do certain things she thinks she will do in the future. But I let her believe it bc why not. It will change eventually and we can say in those time frames she literally thought she was gonna be Daughtrys guitarist. It's fine. 

Moving to High School I am thinking of moving her to a smaller school. Away from the people she has grown up with. Girls and boys that I want to see graduate. The kindergarteners that I watched walk into their first day of school I want to see them walk across with stage with her. Maddux and I may just watch them but I can say those were some great kids for her to be a part of for so many years. But that is for a whole other post in 4 years. 

Meanwhile, I plan.

-get her on an 8 year wait list for healthcare.

-make her transition plan and decide this year where I feel she will be as an adult. 

-send her to high school on a vocational course or standard course. certificate vs degree

-neurophysch evals updated

-Developmental Disability Waiver

-Medicaid

How bout lets just decide what outfit she will wear to the next school dance. 

Well I can't. One bc she hates to dance and would never go to one. Two, because I decide now how she will function later. I do not think I have ever said this before in a post bc I feel super confident in all my decision making with her. But this one I am a bit scared. Overwhelmed. I just dont want to say,    "man, I wished I had done xyz....."